November's/December's theme:"We diverge and I collapse into my bed/And you are shoved awkwardly into my head" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, American Weekend by Waxahatchee

Extra doses and double shots - December 13, 2021
Half a life ago - December 12, 2021
Buggy - November 27, 2021
When We Two Parted - November 25, 2021
Catfish - November 22, 2021

July 21, 2001 // 8:34 a.m. // They've let you change

In this installment, I'll touch briefly on how difficult it is for things to stay the same with a person after you haven't seen them for a while, and the effects drinking has on the body.

At last night's barbeque at Sariah's, Britt was acting noticably more flirty, bubbly and carefree than even she tends to act. The whole night seemed to be one big flirt fest to her. Now sure, I had a crush on her three years ago, but I haven't had one since. That's why even if she had flirted with me, I wouldn't have flirted back. Sure the flirting was innocent, but it was blatent as well. Maybe it had built up in her system from her year plus with Miles and had to be released. I don't like the innocent flirting thing. I don't flirt with anyone and everyone like Mike and Hung were doing. I won't flirt with someone unless a crush is behind it.

Or maybe it was the alcohol.

Unconfirmed reports (later confirmed by her) said that she'd been drinking at her house. Although apparently it was only one glass of wine, the effects lasted well into the night. Some of the fruity drinks were also likely laced with alcohol as I expected.

Normally, I'd say it's none of my business. But even though I don't blatently show it, I think of Britt like a little sister. So when she begins to get a little wild, I feel it's my job to slow her back down.

Not to mention the fact that things aren't the same between the three of us anymore. All of the memories they recalled included Hung and Anita instead of me, and as a result, things aren't the same as they were junior year. That's when we used to go egging, swing dancing, we'd dress up for no reason, and have inside jokes about corn syrup.

But now it's like all of that is in the past, and things have changed. I don't think they talk to Crystal anymore. Miles is no longer at Britt's hip pocket, Anita, Hung and Mike have replaced Glenn, myself and Kenny.

The situation was the same when I went to Morgan to visit one of my oldest friends, Briant. We said maybe fifty words to each other, because we had only seen each other twice in more than five years. From kindergarden through sixth grade, we were at each other's houses everyday. The same applies to Pete and to a lesser extent Kaity, who I hung out with often, and when I saw them again, we spoke very little.

Perhaps the best part of last night was after everyone had gone home except for Mike, Hung, Sariah and myself. We all mellowed down. The guys sat on the ground. Sariah sat on the hood of my car, but she later joined us on the asphalt. We talked for 90 minutes, but I must say it would've been better if it would have been like it was in the good old days. Just Sariah, Britt and I eating popcorn or driving through neighborhoods foreign to us.

But we'll never have that back.

There are so many different ways to be connected to people. There are people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there�s not a word for it. There�s the people who you�ve known forever who know you this way that other people can�t because they�ve seen you change. They�ve let you change.

Random Natalie Imbruglia quote:

"So I guess the fortune teller's right,

I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawelled beneath my veins and now

I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things

that I can't touch I'm torn"


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