January's theme:"So take a deep breath and count back from ten/And maybe you'll be alright" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, Girly-sound Tapes by Liz Phair

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July 29, 2001 // 2:55 p.m. // The final show and my Pea Soup Crush

Yesterday's show was an absolute embarrassment, which is why I didn't invite anyone I knew. The crowd wasn't into it, which killed our performances so much that we threw the plans out the window, and ended 20 minutes early.

What pissed me off even more than this, was B kept telling us he'd be out of town, first saying they were going to Idaho, then Colorado, and finally Roosevelt, Utah. We changed the plans of the show days before for him, and what does he do? He shows up. I can't believe he had the nerve to show up. Plus, Ramon wasn't able to show up, so we had to make up a new storyline on eight hours notice.

But it was terrible from the beginning, starting with the fact that the pyrotechnics over the entrance caused the letters and curtains above it to catch fire. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. After cleaning up, we went up to the U of U viewpoint, where the breeze helped make me feel better. After an hour there, we drove up to a park which is coincidentily across the street from B's crush's house. The majority of that time was spent talking about my crush on Pea Soup Girl (Audrey, this note added 12/13/21 because I confused her with someone else), and the fact that she, in a phrase I coined was a "four year crush." I believe I only have three of them, and two of them were from first term of my freshman year.

The fact that a lot of other people had a crush on Pea Soup also intimidated me back in high school. The fact that people whose opinions I trusted at that point told me she was nice and a great person almost convinced me to at least talk to her just before the year ended. I had three big chances to, but I blew them all. The first was after she congratulated me on my performance after a play. I could have approached her like I did another four year crush to get her opinion on what worked and what didn't. The second was at graduation rehersal when she was walking around lost before rehersal even began. And how's this for my psychic abilities? Before her full name was read, I even predicted her middle name and got it right. My third chance was at the graduation party. We're in a photo together wearing Hawaiian shirts, grass skirts and leis. I think I was even sitting near her on the bus as we rode out to the party.

Pea Soup Girl (which by the way was a nickname given by B because on the day he saw her she was wearing all green, which I think he said stood out against her blonde hair) is just one of many crushes I find myself thinking about on a daily basis. I don't know what was to my crush on Pea Soup Girl. I just remember her turning my head everytime she walked by.

I haven't eaten in three days because I've been sleeping, working, planning, camping, pondering, driving, listening to music, and confusing myself. So it looks like a trip to Burger King is coming in the next few minutes.


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