November's/December's theme:"We diverge and I collapse into my bed/And you are shoved awkwardly into my head" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

notes | profile

mail | host | older I random entry

Jason recommends the album, American Weekend by Waxahatchee

Extra doses and double shots - December 13, 2021
Half a life ago - December 12, 2021
Buggy - November 27, 2021
When We Two Parted - November 25, 2021
Catfish - November 22, 2021

August 2, 2001 // 1:50 p.m. // Two birds with one stone

I wrote this letter in my paper journal last August 1. It was intended for T.E.N.T, but it applies just as much to Angie.

I was reminded of it while watching Letterman last night. On the show was Thora Birch, which sparked memories of T.E.N.T. and Angie as well.

So here's the letter I wrote with only the light of the moon and a small lamp, long after sunset just outside of the Grand Canyon while Felicia, B and Angie went off into the woods to "hang out." Ironically it was written about T.E.N.T. on the same day, the same moment even as my close bond with Angie began to fall apart.

"You will not make a fool of me again. I loved you more than anyone else and you were too stupid to realize how much I cared.

If you've forgotten, I gave you ONE LAST CHANCE to apologize and to reach out. You didn't. I don't care how much shit you went through. You put up your problems to act as a wall to keep people you care aboutr away from you. Hailey says so. Mara says so. Mary and Mandie do too. ONE LAST CHANCE T.E.N.T.(or Angie). You didn't apologize during Christmas break when you had a week to.

You didn't apologize on New Year's Eve when you were too busy putting on a face to show remorse. You didn't apologize at school the day we came back from (Christmas) break. You sat in my (drama) class on the opposite side of the room like I wasn't there. You blew your chance at the talent night by knowingly flirting with people right in front of me. THANKS! It's also nice that at senior prom you played off the problems as if they were in the past. Guess what? They're NOT!

I really cared. Don't comeback to me and say that I gave you chances. Don't call me, don't write me, don't send notes of apology from your sisters (in Angie's case, cousins). It doesn't work. I've been used for far too long. I've cried for you. Twice. And you turned away. As you can see, I gave you far too many chances.

Numerous times to repair our friendship. I'm sick of acting like a fool for you. I'm sick of treating friends like crap for you. I'm over you. I've been over you. I'm so over you."


Random that dog lyric:

"I have this problem with you,

I want to work it out but I don't know how to

every time I try, every time I try, I cry over you"

-Every Time I Try

Previously on Apexsensatin : Now on Apex : Apex Archives : Next time on Apexsensatin