In honor of SNL's new season returning, I decided to try a type of entry based on the Hollywood Minute sketch starring David Spade.

(Picture of Carson Daly) Did somebody think it was Daylight Savings Time and set Carson Daly's watch back 15 minutes? This guy's got as much credibility as Keamu Reeves performing Shakespeare. Carson, it's called integrity, look into it.

(Picture of Mariah Carey) Mariah Carey. Your new album Glitter only debuted at seven and your movie debuted at ten. Who let Mariah in the line twice when they were handing out entertainment careers? Who else thought it was just a matter of time before the song "Breakdown" rang true to life?

(Picture of Michael Jordan) Michael, it's called a legacy. You already have one, but you're about to lose it. Do us and yourself a favor: don't lose it in the first place. Here's a hint of where you can find it: in retirement.

(Photo of Mandy Moore) Mandy Moore: Get a job as a reporter somewhere before we forget who you are. It's ironic you found one talent while losing another.

(Photo of Mark Wahlberg) Mark, we loved Planet of the Apes. We hate Rock Star. Everything you touch relating to music turns to dust. (photo of him as "Marky Mark")

Photo of Paul McCartney) Hi, I'm cool, and I haven't been related to Paul McCartney in 30 plus years. While I'm at it, (photo of William Shatner) I haven't been related to William Shatner in the same length of time.

(Photo of Susan Lucci) Warning: May be allergic to Daytime Emmy Awards.

Jason

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