November's/December's theme:"We diverge and I collapse into my bed/And you are shoved awkwardly into my head" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, American Weekend by Waxahatchee

Extra doses and double shots - December 13, 2021
Half a life ago - December 12, 2021
Buggy - November 27, 2021
When We Two Parted - November 25, 2021
Catfish - November 22, 2021

June 23, 2004 // 6:26 p.m. // Some minor sleuthing and insight as to who we are

1) My sister asked my mom if she had some strong pain medication. My mom asked why and if she was in pain, and my sister answered, "no, but I will be later tonight."

2) While in here on the computer with her boyfriend, the two of them were discussing the pain involved in tongue piercings.

3) And then my sister came right out and said that she wants to get her tongue pierced. And my mom let her. She and her boyfriend just left. I mean, it's not like she could stop her. It's her 18th birthday today (well, not officially until 6:20 tonight). I haven't been a big fan of my mom being in "cool mom mode" lately. I've never liked it with anybody's parents, let alone mine. It always sounds so phony and fake and like they're trying too hard.

So my sister is getting her tongue pierced for her 18th. Something exciting. Maybe it's because I'm a "throw me a big party or nothing at all" kind of person, but I've never made a big deal about my birthday. Secretly, I want a surprise party or some kind of celebration from my friends, but lets face it, that would require at least some planning, and it'll never happen.

My sister and I are two different people. She's the wild, impulsive, dare I say not to bright one who gets her way and expects my parents to pay for college away from home. She's the one who doesn't realize at $400 for an apartment, $200 for school and $350 for a car payment and insurance per month, she can't afford to pay for living away from home, and neither can my parents. She's the one who'll get her stomach pierced and will hide it for ten months. She's the one who'll walk out of a job in January before getting a new one, will turn down a job right out of high school at $8.00 an hour claiming with a high school degree that she "can do better than that" and will go shopping with no money. She's the one who will drink a virgin margarita if it's offered to her and will flirt with a guy in front of her boyfriend. On purpose. She's the one who'll stay out all night, go to sleepovers without permission and will be excused because, "it's just the way she is."

Me? I'm the one who will do something because I want to do something and not because I feel I should. I'm the one who will keep everything internal because I'm better at dealing with it than anyone else. I'm the sentimental one who will keep a matchbox shrine and a letter from an ex in my pocket and wallet. I'm the shy one. Who will sit almost speechless for three hours at a wedding "after party" with my mind moving a million miles an hour but my mouth rarely opening, choosing to instead impress myself by naming (to myself) every basketball player in the movie Eddie rather than express my disappointment about being the only one at a party that wasn't invited to a wedding earlier that day.

I'm the one who turned down being skipped a grade for one reason: I would no longer be the class of 2000. I'm the one who won't ask you for help, whether it be for a problem or for carrying groceries from my car.

So as you can see, we're different people. And because of this, we're treated differently. I'm not saying that in a good way. We're treated opposite. I'm responsible, but if I so much as run to the McDonald's four blocks away without telling my mom where I'm going, she'll make a comment about it. My sister on the other hand will not only leave but will spend the night at her boyfriend's, tell no one and it won't be a big deal.

If I had the money, I'd be in an apartment right now. I need the independance and I need to get away from the double standard. It might not sound like much, but my flight up to Seattle this weekend (which I'm going on alone. I like it that way.) is a big thing, as it'll be the first time I'll be completely on my own, relying solely on myself to navigate and monitor my money, luggage and everything else.

It'll be nice, for sure.

And my sister just turned 18 officially about five minutes ago. I hope the needle hurts like hell.

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