November's/December's theme:"We diverge and I collapse into my bed/And you are shoved awkwardly into my head" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, American Weekend by Waxahatchee

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July 11, 2004 // 9:11 p.m. // KFC'd up.

As per my usual, I headed thirteen blocks south down my street to KFC to get a four piece (breast, wing, thigh and leg) chicken meal to occupy me while I watched the craptacular lineup on Fox. I use the word "craptacular" in an affectionate way, because even though Oliver Beene and Malcom In The Middle are shows that should have been cancelled *long* before Futurama, I still enjoy them- to some extent.

Since I go there every Sunday at the same time, the employees either know me by name and/or definitely by order. Before I open my mouth, the cashier will say, "fourpiecechickenoriginaltogo" (written as one word because of how fast it is spoken) and I'll be standing there with my exact change ($5.26) and I'll be out of there fast. Sometimes, they'll see me in line, confirm I'm ordering the usual, prepare it, and it'll be done by the time I pay. After this, I generally head to 7-11 (which reminds me that today's date is 7/11) to get a Big Gulp.

Today...well, today was a different story.

For one, I left late. A whole four minutes late. I was too wrapped up in the craptacular Malcom episode to leave on time. Second, I chose to go inside (generally it's a 70/30 decision) because there were two cars waiting for their food and one more at the drive thru window. Generally going inside is the smart decision, because drive thru people tend to order more food than the inside people. Most of the inside people also choose to eat their food there.

I walk inside, and I see that there's a new guy behind the counter. His name is Tony. There is already one person ahead of me, and two women standing at the side of the counter that you pick up your food from. There is also a good sized supply of chicken behind the counter.

After the guy in front of me orders, I walk up, only to be cut off by the two women. Why they were standing at the pickup side of the counter and not at the register I'll never know.

So I'm thinking, "great. I'm running late and there are two more people that need to order. I'm going to be late for The Simpsons. Besides, this Tony character is new and tends to stare and poke at the register like a boy who's never seen a tampon."

Just when I think I'll be okay with time, the woman orders:

"I need two twenty piece chicken meals." She then began to rattle off a list of side orders that Tony proceeded to mess up. There was also a two minute wait while Tiffany went outside to give an order to a drive thru customer. Why did we all have to wait for Tiffany? Because incompetant Tony didn't know if they had enough chicken. You know, because apparently it would be too difficult to turn around at the wall of chicken about two feet directly behind him.

So the ladies rattle off their order again (this time to Tiffany) and their side dishes, and the total was $73.15. That much money was spent just on chicken.

First of all, do you *know* what forty pieces of chicken looks like? Do you know how many chickens you'd need to kill to have twenty breasts, ten thighs, five wings and five legs? (Five legs and wings. Looks like you'll have some one-winged and one-legged birds) There was so much of the stuff that they had to mix original and crispy chicken together, which was fine with the customers.

So then it was my turn to order.

"Yes. I'd like the four piece, chicken and bread only. Original."

"I don't think we'll have enough chicken."

"You don't?"

"No. They just ordered forty pieces. I'm not even sure if we have enough for them."


"Do you just want some chicken strips instead?"

There were a lot of annoyed facial expressions by me while Tony glanced at me every five seconds awaiting my decision.

I almost lost it (not in that yelling kind of way, but in the, 'you have *got* to be kidding me rookie' when he asked me if I wanted chicken strips instead. That'd be like asking someone if they wanted Pepsi when they've run out of Coke.

After the fourth time Tony looked at me, I just said that I'll try another KFC, the one that's also thirteen blocks down my street, but in the other direction, meaning I was 26 blocks away. He said sorry and told me to have a nice, albeit chicken free day. Why he didn't check with Tiffany to see if they had more chicken, I'll never know. He needed Tiffany's help with everything else, the least he could have done was asked her, not just for my sake, but for the sake of the people who just paid $73 when there may not be enough chicken in the store.

Does anyone remember the episode of The Simpsons in which Homer goes to the all you can eat seafood restaurant and eats all the shrimp in the place but is still hungry? And afterward, he and Marge drive all over town looking for more shrimp? That's kind of what this was like. I finally ended up getting my chicken at a different KFC because they had run out where I was.

I don't know what the point of this whole entry was (other than to escape the replay of The Simple Life that they just replayed on Fox) other than to recount my ever so interesting half hour chicken search. I think my original point was going to be about how whenever I go to a fast food place, they no longer ask me if it's "to stay or to go" but instead ask me if it's "for here or to go." I know that "to go" isn't the greatest english in the world, but at least I can use it in a sentence. But "for here"? Try using those two words together in a sentence. I cringe whenever I hear it.

But for now, I've got "to go" because our swamp cooler has been broken all summer, and it's become too hot "for here."

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