May's theme:If you want to/I can save you" I can take you away from here A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, The Spirit Room by Michelle Branch

Creatively Maneuvering Dates - May 10, 2022
This diary is old enough to imbibe! - April 04, 2022
62 days of exposition. - April 02, 2022
New job, new reflections, same old overanalysis - January 29, 2022
A Change Will Do You Good - January 11, 2022

January 29, 2022 // 4:49 p.m. // New job, new reflections, same old overanalysis

I've neglected you. I'm sorry.

The latest news is that I've decided to take the job listed in the last entry. I got an email on Friday the 21st from the special education director, that was basically like, "so are you in?" and after getting back with her on Monday, she asked for my email address to send the contract, noting that the sooner I replied, the sooner I could start. I told her I could start as soon as Monday the 31st, and she got the contract to me that night. I signed, returned it, and will start on Monday at 9 AM.

It's a bit surreal to be starting a new job twelve years to the week of me starting my last one. I don't truly no what to expect from this one, but am excited at being looked at as a person who has the answers rather than one of many doing the same thing in my facility. I'll be more unicorn-like in my skill set.

And 30 hours of paid time off between now and May 27th when the school year ends? Do I request off the card show days because we only get paid out at $6.25 an hour if we don't use them?


I just sent a text to a woman who gave me her number back in September or October. Because it is the season of 'shooting your shot' apparently.

Speaking of shooting your shot, I had a lot of jealousy at this time last weekend due to the whammy out of nowhere crush I developed on M.E. A guy I know at the booth next to hers started going on about, 'if I don't reply to your messages, it's because I'm having issues with my phone' thing, and after he was done stammering through his statement, she said that he asked for her number. Knowing he's got a girlfriend (that he talks about a lot) I was puzzled, but she thinks they may want to add her in as a third. In any case, at about this time last weekend, he *really* laid it on thick, there was eye-rolling on my part, a quick text to her that said, "remind me not to take flirting tips from (his initials)" and a laugh from her. When he was finally done a few minutes later, she caught me staring off at the trailer for the new Dumbledore movie showing on the screen at the theater.

"Secrets of Dumbledore" she said.

We didn't spend too much time talking about the flirtation. I think she's smart enough to know I like her and that I'm probably a bit jealous but instead of having that discussion, she went to the bathroom, I started writing in the journal I brought with me and began writing (and explaining to her) the rules of the poetry form the villanelle. The repetitive nature of the poem later seemed fitting, considering I sat with the tightness in my chest for 4 1/2 hours that came from witnessing their interaction. But before that could happen, she noticed I was left-handed ("I'm sure people tell you that all the time") and she seemed intrigued by the notebook.

And continuing in the shot shooting phrase, she did mention that a guy she met at a bar was texting her, and she was eagerly awaiting his message, which was showing up as the three dots indicating he was sending a message. She smiled and was excited when she got the reply, read it to herself and gave an upbeat, "hmmmm." I realize that I'm far too invested in something between us when she may not be interested in me at all, but her comment that she's 'naturally flirty' is going to lead to a followup when I hopefully get together with her in February for my birthday.

I really can't let all of this bother me. I'm having these weird mixed emotions that I had with her twenty years ago where a crush developed, she reciprocated and the rest was history.

Surely, any interactions with M.E. will be the most exciting things in this diary, but I hope that by the end of March, I'll have some answers for myself. Until then, this situation is by far the thing I think about the most. I overanalyze all of it. I overthink my comments that I need to change who I go after regarding dating, and wonder if her, "why would you do that?" comment comes as perceived that I wouldn't go for her if I changed that up.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being there. My creative output has thus far been journal writing and poems, but expect to see art and maybe a song about it before it's done.

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