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Jason recommends the album, Wreck Of The Day by Anna Nalick

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Dog Bites Man (Once Bitten, Twice Shy) - December 31, 2006
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Portland and Seattle - June 30, 2005

June 22, 2002 // 11:39 p.m. // Another T.E.N.T. issue

I'm still trying to put into words that will be easy for everyone to understand what just happened tonight. For once, I didn't have to write down any quotes. I remembered them all. And I remember what I didn't say. The two block pause where how and what I was going to say ran through my mind as I contemplated how to tell her exactly why I'm not dating, and who it's related to.

Don't worry, I was vague to her too. Because I knew with any detail, I'd be confronted with a "she's not so bad" story. It's also why I told her as we were less than two minutes from her house. She can't lecture me if there is no time, right?

It would have gone something like this, because this is what she signed in my yearbook. Her last thoughts on the subject two years ago:

"I know that you hate T.E.N.T., but people make mistakes and sometimes the person that is wrong learns something important, and that is (in my opinion) a gift making up for the mistake."

I know exactly why I didn't ask her out today. It's because T.E.N.T. is still an issue. And as long as she is, I can't be happy. She not only blew my confidence, but changed what the meaning of the word is.

I think I know the best way to put it for now. I'll just transcribe the conversation:

"So, are you dating up there?"

"No, not really."

"It seems like you're never dating.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just really quiet and shy."

"Well, a girl likes confidence. Just be confident. Invite her to do a group thing or something. You can call Miles and I and we can do a double date. And we can call more people so it doesn't seem like a date."

"Yeah. That could be good."

"You never asked people out in high school either."

(simulatneously) "Well, to dances."

(sarcastically, while laughing) "Do you need a creative way to ask her or something?"

(just as sarcastic) "Oh, yeah. Just drop it off on her porch."

"Jason Taylor has a crush on you."

"I'm sure she'd go for it."

"But you do talk to girls up there, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

Here is where the pause of two blocks comes in. And I opened my mouth at least three times to say it. I didn't want to let this out, especially to her. I've never told her anything like this. Britt isn't one of the friends I'm open to. She's just a 'fun' friend. Not a 'spill your guts to' friend. But I finally told her.

"I think part of why I don't date is because I was so hurt by T.E.N.T."

"Do you not trust girls, or-"

"Yeah, I think that's part of it."

"Was it anything specific?"

"No, I think it was a lot of little things. She didn't like me in the same way I liked her, but instead of just telling me, she strung me along. She didn't know how to handle it."

"She was book smart and not street smart or relationship smart." (and that so describes her. She is smart as hell, but hides it and can't survive in the real world.) "You can either be book smart and have no social life or you can get out and do things and have relationships."

"Yeah."

And that's about all we had to say on it because we were so close to her house. The conversation ended right there, but it didn't feel abrupt or quick. I swear we both just forgot about it the instant I said, "yeah."

It's important enough to say again. Because as long as T.E.N.T. is still an issue, I can't be happy. She not only blew my confidence, but changed what the meaning of confidence is.

Send me to bed, please.

Jason

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