November's/December's theme:"We diverge and I collapse into my bed/And you are shoved awkwardly into my head" A Separate Lid Behind Closed Eyes

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Jason recommends the album, American Weekend by Waxahatchee

Extra doses and double shots - December 13, 2021
Half a life ago - December 12, 2021
Buggy - November 27, 2021
When We Two Parted - November 25, 2021
Catfish - November 22, 2021

March 23, 2004 // 10:14 p.m. // Who sold their soul to pay for this?

I've also lost this entry once. And I was so funny in the other one too...

There's a show on the WB Friday night lineup called The Help that debuted three weeks ago. Simply put, it's about a house full of hired help and their interactions with each other and the rich, obnoxious family they work for. And in the end, it will be revealed that the family isn't rich, and that this has all been one terrible, horrible dream.

So I made the last part up. It's not a reality show, but a sitcom from the makers of Married With Children. It's one of those shows that makes me wonder if someone has successfully sued to get 90 minutes of their life back.

How bad is this show? So bad that even Aaron Spelling heard about it and didn't want to be involved.

There are many reasons why this show is horrible. For one, the "stars" are no longer stars. You have Tori Spelling, David Faustino, Antonio Sabato Jr., and Mindy Cohn from The Facts of Life. There are two others I recognize from shows like Malcom In The Middle and Sports Night.

Another, it's not funny. It's predictable. Every episode there is a exchange between the maid (Maria?) and Tori Spelling's character (Molly?) that basically goes like this:

Maria: "I'd like some candy. Molly-"

Molly: "OH, you'd LIKE some candy, wouldn't you? You'd LOOOOVE to shove some candy right down his throat until your whole hand disappears!" (Rant continues for a full minute and goes totally off subject as if it had a subject to begin with. Everyone is stunned as she looks psychotic)

Maria: "I was just going to ask you if you wanted any candy."

Molly: (snapping out of psycho mode faster than you can snap your fingers and in a perky cheerleader voice) "Oh! Ok!"

Every show has gone like that. Question posed to Molly, Molly cuts her off and goes into a horribly acted off-topic rant that proves Tori Spelling is even worse than even *I* thought, she stops, everyone stares at her with stunned silence, Maria says, "I was just going to ask you____" and Molly says, "oh! Ok!"

The final, and perhaps the first and real reason as to why this show is so bad is there are too many cast members.

First, meet the family:

Personal trainer obsessed Mom (O'Henry heiress, braless wonder on Seinfeld, an episode on coincidentally right now), hot attractive daughter, younger ditzy daughter who made her money after being a teen "bubblegum rapper" (get the pun?) older brother who only grunts and only appears for 30 seconds to grab a beer, another younger brother and grampa, who never speaks.

That's six.

The staff:

The cook (Maggie), the maid (Maria), the chauffer, the gardener, the nanny, the prostitute, the dog walker and the personal trainer, who has, "body by Dwayne" silkscreened on every tanktop he wears. And tanktops are *all* he wears. Come to think of it, most of the help wear the same clothes every episode.

That's eight. Eight plus six is fourteen regular cast members. And you tell me it's not hard to follow.

It's awful. But don't listen to me, judge for yourself. But do so quick, as the show probably won't last more than a few more shows. There's no way this show is getting anywhere near our Nielsen box TV's. The last thing this show needs one viewer counting for 30,000.

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