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April 17, 2003 // 5:15 a.m. // Up early
4:57 a.m. A little bit earlier morning than usual. I couldn't get to sleep last night, ironically after watching two episodes of Insomniac. For the most part I have no trouble going to sleep. But last night it was just like high school and I found myself awake thinking of everything and anything. Actually, it was just five hours ago and I can't recall what I thought of. The only thing I can think of was the ex-crush I came across and decided to email. The "do one thing every day that scares you" entry? That's what it was about. Just over four hours later, I woke up again. Again unable to sleep and again due to thinking too much about the ex-crush I emailed days ago. I decided that there was no way I was going to be able to fall back asleep, so I got out of bed and headed to the computer to compose an entry and check for a response. There was. The reason why my sister didn't come home? Apparently my mom, she and possibly her boyfriend went on an impromptu trip (probably Las Vegas). This is the second trip they've made in as many months, and again they decided to head out on short notice and without really telling anyone. Sure it's bad that they decided to leave, but perhaps the worst thing about all of this is that she left both my dad and I to wake up on our own. I'm quite surprised that we both were able to wake up before six by relying on each other and without the aid of alarm clocks. My mom also expects us to tell her mom that she's home and everything is normal when really she's on a trip. We can't tell her that my mom went on a trip. Why? She'll worry. Though I know first hand that my mom worries far more than my grandma does. It's getting harder to lie about where she is. The calls began, "is Carolyn home?" "No." "Ok. Tell her I called." and have now turned into me having to come up with explanations like, "she's working late" or "she's with my sister." It's been about 1 1/2 days and she's now calling about every hour, leaving nine messages thus far on the machine with my favorite being the one where she left her phone number in case my mom somehow forgot the number of her own mother, the person she talks to daily. To make all of this even worse, I saw her yesterday at the grocery store when I went to get a money order and had to do the whole dance in person. 5:13. Crush emails. Impromptu trips. Lying to grandma, watching the BBC news, an hour to kill on campus and did I mention it's raining?