While cleaning my room today and digging deep through papers and trinkets left over from seventh grade, I found a Reebok pencil pouch containing letters (notes rather) from an ex girlfriend. Can you count dating a girl ("girl A") for a month and a half and only going on two dates, both of which felt more like "friend things" a girlfriend? Perhaps moreso than a girl who I dated for 11 days, (who we'll call "girl B") all to make her ex jealous. Any coincidence that her ex was there at the same time as I was *everytime* we hung out? I didn't think so. But I still see her in college, and it's still just as awkward as it was on that fateful May 27, 1997.

I stumbled across an even older letter from May of 1995 (when I was in seventh grade) that said: "if you ask her out again with a rose, I'm sure she will go out with you." I feel terrible now, because few in the school liked her, but I did, and as a result, I danced with her at the last dance of seventh grade. Last I heard, she had dropped out, and my sister and her younger sister who were friends at the time had classes together last year. That was the first of two letters signed "?" that were in similar handwriting, but given to me by two different people. Two of her friends also liked me, one of whom wrote me a song, the other who wrote her number in my yearbook every year, but who I never called. We only did one thing together, and that was drive to a rally to help reinstate school clubs (more on that later).

The other, the six weeks/two dates girl A, was a serious mistake. I only asked her out because she had an interest in me because I looked like someone else, and because it was one year to the day after the breakup of girl B. At the time I was interested in two of her friends, and later became friends with a third (the "Note Folder"). In fact, I asked one of them out last year, but was turned down.

On the third consecutive May 27th, my biggest crush of all ("girl C" aka TNT) chose to abandon her old friends in favor of a "new exprerience" with the recently formed drama clique. Now I had reason to resent them other than the fact that they had failed to ask me to join them. The day was spent "marrying" her best friend at the marriage booth, and screaming into a tape recorder while writing an epic poem in my journal.

May traditionally brings in bad times for me. Maybe it's a seasonal depression. Maybe it's the stresses of so much occuring at one time. It may even be some pattern in my life that I've yet to see, let alone decipher.

Tonight's basketball night with my sister's boyfriend. I need to get back into shape for the summer. I feel like a couch potato just sitting around.

Jason Sensation

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