Seeing as how it's pretty worthless to spend $40 on a parking pass at school, I take the shuttle buses. Imagine shoving 35 over capacity on a school bus or a luxury bus. Or just imagine a subway or popular public transportation in your city.

Now as far as I'm concerned, there are certain rules one must abide by on the shuttle. Thus the reason for the entry

Shuttle Bus Etiquette

1. If you must since next to a stranger, proper procedure constitutes either facing forward if on the aisle, staring out the window if you're next to it, or reading. Do not look over to the passenger if you are in the aisle. I always (um, I mean he/she) feels they're being watched.

2. If forced to stand, be a man/woman and hold both arm handles. Don't try to be cool and just hold one. You'll end up falling into someone's lap or into the person in front of you. This is of course unless you're too short. Then pray.

3. If forced to stand, place your backpacks in the overhead. There's nothing more embarassing than tripping on your own backpack. Or worse. Keeping your backpack on so that less people can get on the shuttle.

4. Please for the love of God, talk about something other than school! I know this is school and it's important, but unless all you did this weekend was your homework, a report, a project or an assignment of anoher kind, there is no need to answer "So what did you do this weekend?" with "Oh I read Aristotle's third philosophical theory."

5. There is no reason to push and shove when trying to get on the shuttle first. If you are one of the first, you will get a seat!

6. Let those who are exiting the shuttle exit before you board. This alows a clear flow of traffic.

7. If you hop on the shuttle at stop one, and plan to get off at stop two, do not rush on to get a seat and do not stand at the back of the bus. Since you are only on for a less than a two minute ride, you should wait until the bus is nearly packed and then get on. This saves having to walk past up to 35 people in a one lane aisle just so you can get off.

8. Don't complain when the driver has on a station you don't want to listen to. Some people like The Cars and Simple Minds every once in a while.

Note: There are two types of shuttles. One has seats like a school bus where you see the other seats and the back of people's heads when facing forward. The other has seats facing each other so that looking forward means staring directly at the person in front of you. This applies to the latter.

9. If in a seat where you are facing someone and the bus gets so full that people are forced to stand, *do not* stare straight ahead. This is perhaps the most important rule of all because looking straight ahead at eye level makes it appear that you're staring at a guy's crotch, or a girl's stomach-butt. People can be really offended by this even if they don't show it. The best thing to do is pretend to study or to read. You can't even look to the side of you unless everyone coordinates their head movements.

10. If forced to face forward, place your backpack on your lap. The standees have very little room, and a fat backpack takes up to half of that away.

11. When exiting the shuttle, let the standees of first. They are after all in the aisle. Once it starts to thin out, find a hole and get off yourself. There is nothing worse than sitting at the front of the bus when the person sitting next to you seems star struck at the consistent line of people exiting. This results in every seat behind you being empty before you can leave for a class you're already late to.

If you ever find yourself in a situation like this, please refer to this list to make your life and everyone else's a whole lot easier.

Jason

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