April 12, 2002 // 12:01 p.m. // Lyrical montage

Because The Bonaduces also describe my mood. A montage much unlike the terrible one I had tonight. Song 1 Or maybe you�re a lot like me;
you dress your pain in irony
just to make it through each day.
Oh�I�d love to sit and talk it out,
but the words go stale in my mouth.

This is all for show,
because everyone here knows
we need our friends for more than just cheap jokes.

And when the drinks have run dry,
what comes next?
Do we read aloud from Syvvie Plath?
Pin-the-tail on Diane Arbus photographs?
Is this my fate?
To watch you all degenerate�
to scoop up your doodles of me
for your posthumous auction at Christie�s?

So when the sun settles to sleep
and our seritonin is in retreat,
we could put the drunks to bed
and confront our real fears instead.
Or�well, then�maybe next year�

Song 2 And even after all we�ve been through,
we�re still not sure what we should do.
I can�t believe the cost
assigned to what�s been lost,
but maybe when the cheque comes in,
there�ll be no illusions left
and we can sort through the mess;
find a way to assess
the damage done Song 3 I lift my head up and touch the bumper with my hands
all shredded up from going under the machine.
Kate came to drive me to the hospital.
I told her not to bother at all.
Two weeks later,
we're in New Orleans with a percolater
and a bag of coffee beans.
I tell her about the way I feel.
She says it's based on nothing real.
She said, "Take a look at what you say, it is so obviously bullshit.

The truth comes from inside and what you put it on is makeshift.
Your body could be strong, but you don't care enough to make it.
There's something wrong inside, and everything's related.

And if you want to try to believe,
I'm the only proof you need.

I've explored the places you are and I know you can return.
Please take my word. Please? Take my word."

I felt all weakened.
This is more than she should take.
I'm always freaking and making these stupid mistakes.
Kate responds all optimistically.
She contends that there is something good in me.
I tried to argue and show what she's sustained.
She reviewed it and said, "Let's stop comparing our pain.
Let's just try and like ourselves tonight
and take care of each other at times like this.".

Because you know I hate this now
and you know I can't see a way out.
I want to change this
but I can't erase it.
I want to change this now
I want to change it

and if you want to try to believe
I'm the only proof you need.

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