April 30, 2002 // 1:33 p.m. // My God.
I'm begining to think what it'll take. Last night, after being criticized by someone for a crush I have, as well as being criticized for not getting the joke, I grabbed my sweatpants, a coat, my tape recorder, and headed out into the brisk midnight air of Salt Lake. I walked around the neighborhood unloading everything that has no hope of making this journal. If felt good to say these things out loud. It felt good to say the actual names. I had never said any of them out loud. After coming home, going to bed, and waking up, I found an equal amount of support and lies resting in my inbox. All because I expressed an opinion in my journal. All because I was honest with my feelings. Everybody has the right to feel safe somewhere. For me that place isn't sitting in my room with a CD playing. It's when I put my feelings down in print on a cyber journal. It's a violation. I've poured my heart into this, as have thousands of online diary users. When you attack apexsensatin, you attack me. I've emailed all three of you. In that email, I showed varying degrees of emotion, but all were kind. Allow me to reemphasize my point. If you have an issue with me, don't hit the send button on your diary. Hit the send button on your email. You may think I'm hypocritical, but the fact is this entry isn't directed at anyone in particular. I'm sorry that I'm sandwiched between someone with a crush on me and someone who is "unattainable." Having a crush (requited or not) is hard. By definition a crush must hurt. I understand how you're feeling. Never would I intentionally hurt you. Now, all of this in mind, I truly need to study. I need a break from the very thing that brings me joy. Jason Last time on Apexsensatin : Now on Apex : Apex Archives : Next time on ApexsensatinI feel I'm getting absolutely nowhere. My life is an endless circle of drama, that no matter how many times I explain to the parties involved (which despite which most of you think involves three people, not just the two of you), I get nowhere. Letters of apology aren't working. Chatting with them isn't working. Ranting in my diary isn't working.