May 04, 2002 // 1:13 p.m. // Warning: May contain more drama
Oh yeah, the part in white may also be boring for the general masses, as I'm purposely leaving you in the dark as to this drama. The people involved read this, you know. I have the following songs and following lines from the aformentioned songs stuck in my head. For one of the first Friday's in ages, (that didn't involve an out of town trip) we didn't hang out. Quite odd, but G called and asked if I did anything. He also let me know that Mo wanted to buy my stereo, but now wanted to pay $150. I told him we may fix up the Taurus (thank goodness) and that I may end up keeping it. Plus, my stereo would look terrible in his 1989 BMW. The semester is technically over, and only finals await. Suddenly I'm reminded of when I was told I ignore the everyday person. That I pay no attention to Jane Doe and that I only crush on the blonde three seats away. This could not be more true. You underestimate me. You think I'm great, and believe me, I'm flattered. Hugely flattered. No one (that I know of) has ever crushed on me before. I'm not one dimensional. I see past physical beauty. In sociology crush and Sarah (two girls I liked this past semester) I saw a vast amount of intelligence. Sarah was the only girl who would ask questions in class. She was concerned about her grades. She'd show up every day, even though the lectures weren't important since we received a vocabulary list of what words to know the definitions of for the test. I talked to Sarah more than I talked to anybody this past semester. She's not physically what our society would consider beautiful, but beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. I think she's beautiful. It's her knowledge and the way she carries herself that is beautiful. So...nobody is unattainable. Not the class valedictorian, the school president, the head cheerleader, the football star, nobody. It's all a mind set. It's when you think this that problems arise. I'm slowly realizing that anyone would be lucky to have me not just as a friend, but in a relationship. It'll happen one day. We'll all end up happy. So I guess what I'm trying to say is this, because I've been subliminally trying to say it for the past week. I can't please you all, nor do I try to. It's always been about you, but in case you forgot to read the heading, it's my diary. I don't like feeling I have to censor myself in my own diary because I may hurt someone. I've been feeling hurt all week and longer. I don't like sitting down to study for finals with thoughts in my head of all of this. Unrequited crushes suck. I'm going through one. I'm handling it considerably well. The only three crushes I've actually have ended badly and painfully. Don't take it out on me that I don't crush back. We can't win them all. We can't even win some. All we can hope for is a resolution and respect for each others opinions and thoughts. I realized this in grade school. Lets hope some of you catch up soon. Last time on Apexsensatin : Now on Apex : Apex Archives : Next time on ApexsensatinNote: If you do not want drama, do not read this. It's minor, but highlighted in white, so you can decide when you get there if you want to read it.